When I was a little kid I remember my grandma reading the
bible and praying with and for me. I also remember the many pictures and
figures of angels all around her house. I don’t ever remember a time when my
family wasn’t convicted of God’s existence. I wouldn’t say my parents or my
sister were very spiritual when I was growing up. We went to church a lot and I
think we were generally “good” people. We tried to be the morally sound family.
I like to think that anyways. However I remember when I was about 7 or 8 and
asking my best friend if he believed in God. He said he didn’t know and I still
don’t know if he does to this day. My other friend did and still does. He was
my neighbor and we spent a lot of time at his house where I noticed that his
mother was pretty spiritual. I knew they both went to church and everything but
I never really talked to them about it. The only people I really talked to
about God, was my grandma and my father.
We
stopped going to church a whole lot when our church burned down. It was only
half of it but it was the sanctuary. Lightning had struck it and caused a fire.
It was weird because I was at the church the day it caught fire and apparently
only shortly after I had left did it burn down. I don’t know exactly what the
purpose was behind this but I remember not going to church for a while after
that. There wasn’t really a church to go to. We went to a few churches and
found ourselves at Peace Reformed Church of Middleville. We only went once and
still had a season of church absence. One day I met my friend Jon through my
best friend Josh. He invited me to go to youth group with him so I started
going pretty consistently. 5th
and 6th grade youth group wasn’t very exciting and since our middle
school and elementary schools were split at 5th and 6th
grade, it was kind of weird. I remember playing games and stuff but that is
about it. I wasn’t too spiritual yet and probably considered a pretty bad kid.
I remember in middle school my mouth being pretty rotten even though I hardly
ever talked. Middle school was a tough time for me but made a big spiritual
change in my life. I remember going on a trip in middle school called Acquire
the Fire and there I struggled through salvation and tried to commit to Christ.
However I still felt sinful and very insecure about my salvation.
In middle
school I knew that my faith was important but it still wasn’t number one. High
school changed a lot of that. I still was pretty reserved and quiet entering in
high school. But I was working at cleaning my life up. I also knew how important
it was to learn about the Bible. My youth pastor was fantastic and I owe a lot
of my knowledge to him. He was going for his masters and knew what he was
talking about. He’s probably one of the smartest guys I’ve ever met. I remember
looking up to other leaders in the youth group too but he was probably the one
who taught me the most. Also the most important thing in high school was trying
to be nice to people and inviting them to youth group. I don’t know how
evangelical that made us, however. It was became a struggle between knowledge
for yourself and actually caring if the gospel was important enough to spread.
As a follower I still struggled with my salvation. I wasn’t 100% sure I was
saved and I remember having many talks about salvation with many of the
leaders.
One day
I had to make a decision. I had to decide if I was going to look to Christ and
live for him or fall away and turn to something else. I knew what was on the
line but I had to decide if God was real, if I wanted him or another useless
thing. As I remember this time in my life I look at it as being so easy but I
know it was hard. Now it seems like it was such a simple decision but at the
time it wasn’t. I know that God was with me and pushing me through the thought
processes to salvation but at the time it scared the crap out of me. I had been
a follower for years but was I really committed? Now I look back and think that
I was but this still was a very pinnacle time for my life. At last I had chosen
to follow Christ. Next the work followed.
Choosing
Christ is not just about being saved it’s about desiring what he wants and
living a changed life. I struggled with this most of all. Finding my
satisfaction in him was very difficult. My sinful nature always pushes for
itself. Nothing really excited me about Christianity except a few things. I really
liked the salvation doctrines like Calvinism and such but none of that was
enough to change my desires and actually make me want to spread the gospel. I
knew it was important but I did not take seriously how important it was. I
struggled with this until another time of change came in my life.
Finally
I had graduated high school. I decided to go to Ferris for a degree in
Pharmacy. This was a radical change in my life. There was no more youth group,
no more youth leader or youth group friends. They were still around but I didn’t
see them every day. I finally had to make my faith my own and learn to be a
Christian in a radically different environment. This is where I met my good
friend Andy who I started going to a college age ministry with. College was
crazy and the His House ministry was the only thing that kept it bearable.
There were so many pagans or uneducated Christians it was ridiculous. My friend
Andy made this easier to understand and helped me develop my faith in this
weird environment. We had accountability groups and Christians who desired
Christ more than I had ever seen. It was a great place to be and really
challenged my faith. There I learned a true passion for sharing the gospel. I
actually had finally learned how to effectively live out my faith in real life.
This was a time of true change even though it was some of the hardest times.
When I
left Ferris I came to Kuyper to develop my faith more and to learn more about
the Bible so I could effectively advance in spreading the gospel. And here I am
right now. We’ve rewrote a college age ministry and I’ve learned so much about
doctrine and theology. I now can see what is really important and how to be
effective at spreading the gospel. Now I lead a bible study every other Thursday
and try to make our college age ministry effective. I have fully come to know
what it means to be saved and find full assurance in my salvation. Even though
sometimes my actions are not like Christ I still find satisfaction in knowing
that I am his and have a developing relationship with him. The only real
question I have now, as a graduating senior, is where to go from here. The next
chapter in my life will definitely be another life changing experience and now
I know that is something to look forward to.
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